I survived 4 nights

Christmas has come and gone...
i spent it at the hospital.....its sad but its the quieter holiday to work between that and new years...
was working 4 nights in a row...i havent done that since school started 1.5 years ago...
im recovering slowly...ma times are still switched and im constantly sleepy...
but i survived so now im off for 2 weeks...sweet...
1 day away from new years eve and the start of a brand year....how exciting...
i predict big changes are going to happen.....on top of that its my quarter century.....im getting old

5 more days until the new semester starts....here we go again ...*sigh

Twilight !!

finally went to go see the Twilight movie...
it was sooo long...i was getting restless during the movie cuz it was so damn long...
i must say...im not a fan of the Twilight movies, but im a big fan of the book....
its so disappointing....it was way to long and really slow...
if i didnt read the books, I would not have gone to see it...
i felt really bad cuz i dragged the bf to go see it with me...
i think he almost fell asleep....
then we went to Dennys...mmm breakfast..it was soo good after that long ass boring movie....

back to work tomorrow...i hope the next 2 days dont blow.....

all SPA'd out

went to the Spa yesterday with some of my friends...
it was freaking awesome...i think i should go to the spa every week.. if only...
i was initially all stressfree, however freakin school manages to come back to kill my buzz...
im still not registered for my clinical course and the freakin people at the office never responds to my emails to confirm whether I have sent everything they needed....so freakin frustrating...
im gona kick someone if Im not registered for this course....

on the side note...finally going to watch Twilight tonight...
its so late but ive been super busy with school...
i was discussing the notion of diaries with the bf and when I told him that i do write down my thoughts and feelings from time to time...he got kind of offended because I wouldnt tell him what I write about..
I do tell him almost everything but I do believe that im still entitled to my own privacy...
i dont feel like I have to share absolutely everything with him, there are certain things that I do keep to myself...
but he seem upset about the fact that I dont tell him everything...
am i wrong to feel like i have the right to not tell him everything?

The one before the ONE

ironically...when i picked up ma new Cosmo yesterday, there was an article on being "the one before the ONE"...
kinda reassured me that my reaction wasnt crazy...
although I often question the articles in Cosmo, this one actually brought up a good point...
finding out that an ex is getting married is always kind of a weird thing because at some point in your past relationship, you've probably envisioned yourself walking down the aisle with him/her...
even though it may not have worked out, it still kinda hurts to find out that you just werent that person for them....
its strange because the relationship may have ended a while ago and you have accepted it but i guess hearing news like this is an absolute....
how weird, Cosmo actually made me think....

went Christmas shopping today....the mall is insane at this time of year...
do people not have to work?...geez the mall is so packed, u'd think they're giving out free stuff or something ....
picked up what i needed and ran out of there as fast as i could...

I also went downtown to meet my preceptor for clinical....
it turned out alright, she wasnt as scary as I thought she may be...
her CV was intimidating..shes done so much stuff, its crazy.....
im excited to start in Jan, but theres so much prep work to do...so much to read up on so i dont look like an dumbass when i start....

SPA day tomorrow :)

On my 2nd day of Christmas break....

i spent my first day off from school at work....whohooo!....
yea not the greatest thing ever but whatever it was a decent day....
on my 2nd day of Christmas break, I went to the bf's holiday skate at work...
it was fun, i havent skated in like 10+ years...but it was nice to do that... plus they fed me popcorn, gingerbread cookies and pizza...my arteries arent too pleased with me but ma stomach liked it....
then i had my annual kris kringle with my nursing school friends....i love these girls but i never get to seem them often cuz of all our crazy work schedules ....
every time we get together its like nothings changed, i can still tell them everything and it was great...
I got a sephora gift card ..yay! so now i can go get ma Marc Jacobs Daisy...it smells soo good



then we went on an adventure through a series of 2 lounges and a dirty club...good times..

so its been a few days since I found out the ex engagement business...
now that ive had time to digest it..i think that weird feeling came from just the shock of the news...
despite the shock....i think its actually a really good thing...it brought a sense of closure.....
it surprisingly made me feel really calm and relieved in a way....strange...
but now im actually looking forward to working with him again in march....
and maybe now we can get over that awkwardness and go back to being friends....

its my first day off to veg...it was so nice to sleep in today... no alarm clock to wake me up..
i love it...one day to veg and its back to work 2morrow for more good wholesome medicine fun....

Christmas Break!!!

im officially on Christmas break :)
handed in my last paper for the sem this morning, oh it feels so nice ...ahhh
no thinking for 2 weeks....if only ...but i dont think my patients would appreciate that
but i still have homework over the break..have to do my learning plan for clinical placement next sem..
i will look at that...the last week of Dec..
since i am finished and have no homework ....yet
I went Christmas shopping with the mam...
finished up all my shopping for everyone and finally got a chance to put up christmas decorations..
now my house feels Christmasy :)

I was so excited to go to Lush and pick up some stuff that gurus on youtube rave about....
Picked up a massage bar and a sugar scrub....
its so cute...its a little pink mouse



my massage bar was the peace one...it smells sooo good



i bought 2 massage bars and got a free tin...whoo hoo !



ma room smells like ma massage bar...mmm.

also picked up this adorable candle from Bath and Body works for one of my Kris Kringles....

Is it Weird?

I found out that my ex is getting married...
i cant help myself from feeling uneasy and a little sick to my stomach...
although the feeling only lasted for a split second....it still happened.....
i cant really explain it because to be honest, i dont think theres any feelings there for him ...
but its still a little disheartening to hear the news....
aside from that sick feeling, i also had a WTF moment.....
they've only been together for <1 year...
but i guess it makes sense, hes at that marrying age, where people are getting married left right and center and I did kind of see this coming but I guess it was sooner than I anticipated...
all in all, after my weird reactions, I am happy for him that he found someone special.....

but i guess this just goes to show that timing is everything....
I remember him telling me that the reason he broke up with his ex was cuz she wanted to get married and he didnt....
this was only like 2 years ago...

also, my cousin was with his ex gf for 10 years...omg 10 YEARS...it was like half her life at the time...but it didnt work out...
she wanted to get married when he wasnt ready, she didnt want to wait, so it ended...
my cousin married his next gf after 1 year....
its crazy how things work out but in the end...
everything has its place and time...


I

Snowstormm...well kinda

Last day before my last paper is due and i have been hardcore unproductive....
i am still 9 pages away and not feeling very motivated...
i think my brain went on vacation after the last paper...its been fried and overused...
it needs a break...

so its the first snow storm of the season...but we got shitty snow...
its like the crappy slushy grossness...you can board on this stuff...so its just icky and gross...
but it does give me a nice view of whiteness everywhere...feels more like the holiday season ...
i was so excited for the possibility of Vegas yesterday that it totally consumed most of my day...
searching for flights, hotels....and now its scrapped....*sigh...
o well...now we're back to square one for NYE...
ma friend suggested we get a ridiculous penthouse suite at the most expensive hotel downtown and just party it up...
i think thats the plan....we looked into some of the suites and they are crazy expensive...
mostly cuz its NYE but still...
I think we're going to Niagara..closest thing to anything Vegas like we're gona get around here...
so I think we're gona get a 3 bedroom suite, theres not enough beds in the penthouses...



its pretty nice...it fits 9 people and we get our own little foyer and lobby.....
okay...i need to work

To Go or Not to Go ....hmm

so my friends and I have been trying to figure out what we're going to do for NYE....
every year we go through this process and most of the time, we end up at some house party.....
we didnt spend it together last year because they went to Paris without me...and spent it there..
but in all fairness, it was because i went on vacay in the summer and couldnt afford 2 euro trips in 1 year....
so this year the debate began again...where to go/what to do?

options are limited staying in Toronto...its either house party or end up in a club with overpriced cover....
then the suggestion of NYC, Tremblant, BlueMountain, Niagara were brought up...none of which were particularly popular....
then my brilliant idea of VEGAAS came along, i never thought that the idea would actually fly cuz i assumed it was overpriced...
and it is overpriced but really its soo tempting...

so i think theres a chance that i just might see this on NYE.....



if only this was the real thing and i was back in Paris for NYE...

2 days until Christmas break :)

SNOW!!!

YAY!! the first snowfall of the winter season...i love snow...well when its pretty and fluffy...
its dec 7 and we finally get the first snowfall...cant wait for more...
cuz Christmas is just weird with no snow....
plus wat do u do during the winter with no snow to play with?
no snow=no boarding/ no skiing= no fun :(
still havent had a chance to put up the decorations yet, have to finish my paper first...
sigh 3 more days...but ive been slacking.....
but its so hard when the break seems so close....

debating whether i should get this Marc by Marc Jacobs bag



i love this brand, so much more affordable then the Marc Jacobs line, but yet it still manages to look really nice....
hmmm.....
to buy or not to buy? ....

So close but yet so far...

just finished editing one of my final papers....
holy crap...it was 15 pages maximum...which of course I aimed for the 12 page mark for it to appear acceptable but not too long because i didnt think i would have that much to write....
what did i end up with? freakin 17 pages...
and i loathe editting...it takes so much time and to have to cut 2 pages is so hard...
but its done and im so sick of staring at it that im just going to send it in now...

one down...another 12 page paper to go....
sometimes i dont understand why profs like to read such long papers....really 12 pages is fun?
12 pages per person..gad...i would want to shoot myself if i was the TA...
one reason why I never wanted to apply as a TA....marking papers....ewww

writing papers make me want to shop online...
maybe thats why I buy so much online...cuz im always forced to write such long ass papers...

moving on...lit search it is ...*sigh

YAY for December!!

YAY i finally have a placement for school...

its official...i have been approved.....

St Mikes, here i come....

actually of the many years ive been in the hospital circuit for school/work downtown, ive never made my way over to St Mikes......so i guess now its time....

ive found a new place to write...my long ass papers that is...

i use to go to my basement where my desk is but the dark cold basement made me sad...

im highly affected by the weather and environment around me....

so ive moved and found a new home for homework....my sister's room

its got big windows, sunlight and with my cup of hot chocolate...its perfect :)

since shes been away for school, ive taken over her room ....its awesome

alright time to get back to work...

cmon brain....you just need to put out 15 more pages....haha JUST...

I Love Awkward Moments...

is it just me or is it really usually kind of awkward to run into an ex...

maybe its just me and im drawn to awkward moments...

so i think ive managed to not run into any exes for a really long time until recently .....

first one was at my bf's friends bday...it was some guy i dated that just happened to be the friend's cousin....it was one of those we just stopped talking kind of things so it was kind of awkward because he knows the bf.....

reason why i need to move out of my neighborhood...ive been here for way too long.....

and everyone knows everyone.......

moving on to the more awkward.....i get to work with my other ex....great!?! :S

yea i think this has got to be the most awkward situation....

so he's based at my hospital this residency year so that means i get to see him all year round spontaneously ....thats just awesome...

the thing behind this past relationship is that it took me a really long time to get over him...

i dont know i was just young, naive and head over heels for him ....

after a really long time, i think i finally got over him and mostly it was easier because he wasnt around....

even thought things have changed and we've both moved onto to someone new....

its was still so weird to see him again, i had run into him sporadically last year at work but he was never around all the time....

but this time its different, when hes on rotation, hes here ALL THE TIME....

and it isnt just me because ive noticed and so have my friends at work, that he acts differently around me....in a very nervous kind of weird way...

hes just awkward around me....i cant think of another word to describe it, hes just not himself.....

at the same time...im glad the feeling's mutual and its just not me that feels uncomfortable.....

as much as things have changed and so much time has passed .....

seeing him again, i cant help it but it brings back old feelings.....

not to say that i would go there again but.....i dont know why it just does...

so hes gone for now...but hes back on rotation in march for 2 months this time....

gad...twice as long as he was on last time...

perhaps it wont be as awkward, i did notice improvement as our interactions increased....

now i know why people say dont date your co workers......

its a small network of hospitals downtown and like my neighborhood....everyone knows everyone

so im feeing much better today..

think ive gotten out of my feeling crappy rut....

its weird...im usually a pretty optimistic and upbeat person....

not sure what got into me...but it wasnt cool....

i think im done with that and time to move on....

its the holiday season...well one day away from December and I love this time of year...

cant wait to put up the Christmas decorations....

i think im already in the holiday break mode, but unfortunately I still have 2 massive papers left...

ive been shopping online a lot lately instead of doing my papers...

I love shopping online and Christmas shopping is another excuse for me to shop....

downtown is gorgeous during the holiday season with all the Christmas lights and decorations

so Ive been feeling really blah lately......im not really sure why....

maybe its the stress of school ....i cant really pinpoint it...

but its been making me so tired lately...i feel like I have no energy at all....

its getting closer to the end of the year, I decided that Im going to start my paper work for travel nursing in Jan and its been making me really anxious.....

That might possibly be the reason im feeling so blah...i havent really discussed the issue with my bf and not knowing what his reaction may be makes me nervous.....

but i didnt really want to bring it up before the holidays because i really dont know how hes going to react and if its not going to be good, i dont want it to potentially ruin the holidays....

*sigh......

2 weeks left of school.....

2 papers left....

day 4 of paper writing...well i basically wasted the first 2 days...so really its day 2...

6/15 pages....not bad...much improvement....

and i might have scored myself a preceptor for placement...fingers crossed that this one will work out.....but im not going to get my hopes up......

and it is a lovely Monday on week 11....hell yeah!

2 weeks until the end of my last semester of classes....and a whole 5 months untill freedom :)

2009 Victoria Secret Fashion Show was in NY this year......it was on Nov 19 but it doesnt air till Dec 1.....

Alessandra Ambrosio...i luv her...

for some strange reason i luv the VS shows...they're so over the top but its become like a Christmas season tradition...i watch it every year...maybe its the sense of fantasy it projects....

cant wait for the show :)

in the mean time....in midst of yet another paper writing bind.....

0/15 pages...

its a sad rainy crappy November day....

its all foggy and rainy....rain is gross....

I hate rain, i prefer snow, at least we can have some fun with snow and hit the slopes....

my mood is highly affected by the weather...crappy weather just makes me feel icky....

but i managed to drag my ass downtown to go to school....

just received emails back from 2 clinical placement coordinators at different teaching hospitals...

no good news...*sigh....

apparently all APNs in pain management are NPs :(

so Im still stuck with no response from my school's clinical coordinator...

countdown to the end of the semester has begun...time's ticking...

its good and bad...im that much closer to graduation and yet so far cuz i still dont have a placement....so frustrating

my phone decided to be mean to me and reset itself....

so my phone has killed off all my stuff on it....awesome.....

on top of that...my clinical placement for the winter semester is still in the hole....

i have no preceptor and the school's placement coordinator decides to take vacation for 2 weeks until dec....

i hope i wont have to push back graduation a semester...it wont be pretty cuz clinical will have to be pushed into the summer session :(

its annoying because i started sooo early to find a placement too...all that effort went down the hole.....now im stuck a month before the semester's over and trying to find a damn placement....

*sigh...i just need to breathe...im so close to the end of this program...i just want to be done and move on....

2 long ass papers away from my last semester of classes....

on the side note, went to work over the weekend....

apparently some of our patients think that health care professionals are really stupid...

the 2 years ive been working, ive seen a lot of craziness...

but this is something different.....faking seizures.....

best line of the weekend "by the way, ill be flipping my eyes in about an hr" ....who knew u could predict ur own seizures....

it never fails that before I have an essay due that I get sick....

so I feel like crap and my essay is due tomorrow...good thing its essentially done...

but its taking so long just to even edit it.....

im so super slow mo today....

But on the bright side, thanks to the wonderful world of shopping online...

I was able to cross off some names on my Christmas list....and also some for me of course....

I ordered more DSK Jewelry...yay!....im so excited..cant wait!